It's been awhile...

Yeah, I know, I know...it's been awhile.
I'm not real sure what it is, but I've just had a block lately.
Have been so busy balancing a few different things, that I find myself going & going and when I find time to sit down, I'm beat.
I really do want to make this something that I more intentionally do.
Not for anyone else (I'm not sure anyone else even really reads this anyways), but for me.
To clear some of the things swirling around in my head.

So, what's been going on with me lately?
Well, I'm still in the process of looking for a permanent position.
I'm still not sure if I know exactly what that is yet.
In the meantime, I have continued to nanny for a few different families, which has been enjoyable.
I've definitely found that I enjoy being around children & know that we can certainly impact future generations by what we say, how we act and what we do.
I've had some really great opportunities to travel with one family to NY, KY and will be going with them to Aspen, CO in Dec. Three places I've never been. I love the opportunity to see different parts of the world!
Another family has 2 parents that work so hard and have 3 children, one with special needs. I've felt God lay it on my heart to really step up & help this family, even without them knowing. I've tried to make myself very available for them & help out with household cleaning that I know they don't usually have time for.
It was such a good feeling to do it without seeking praise for it.
I think it's all been future prep to hopefully raising my own family someday.

I was also offered a seasonal position at REI in Brentwood, under 10 minutes from my home.
I've really enjoyed being back there. It truly is a great place to work. It's a fun environment to be in! I enjoy going to work and am happy to have the opportunity to work there.

Between those two positions, I'm just really having to balance and prioritize my time. I'm not always good at it, but I'm getting better at it!

I've become the Stretch Outreach Coordinator with our Young Adult community. I've loved working alongside our leader to help coordinate the different serving opportunities we can get involved with. We've also been able to dream up some other future opportunities. I absolutely love to be a part of a community  of people that have such a heart for serving and volunteering.

Another amazing thing that I'm so stoked about is the opportunity to TRAVEL TO UGANDA again next Summer to visit a close friend of mine who started up her own ministry there.. I'll definitely be sharing more information soon, as I will be looking for any donations, support & most importantly, prayers. We will be participating in some group fundraising as well, which will be exciting! The most amazing part about this trip is that the group I will be traveling with will all be a part of a project to build a Church while we are there. Stayed tuned...

Sometimes I'm just amazed at how God's answers our prayers. I have been wanting & desiring to go back to Africa for a few months now. Little did I know, this is how he would answer it. 

I've also been doing quite a bit of volunteering. I'm not sure why- but I truly enjoy it & if I could volunteer for a living, I would :) It just gives you such a sense of fulfillment and purpose, and each opportunity can certainly turn around and teach or help us, more than we are there to teach or help them. Some that are dear to me are The Bridge Ministry, which is a Homeless ministry that meets under a Bridge near downtown Nashville every Tuesday evening. Incredible ministry! I've also really enjoyed helping out with The Front Porch ministry, a ministry started by a husband & wife who felt the call to move to the inner city of East Nashville and start up a ministry to the families & children there. I also just signed up to be a part of our Notes & Cards Ministry at our church. I feel that I certainly am gifted in the area of sending cards and words of encouragement to others. So I will do it to glorify God in anyway I can :)


Other things, back home in WI, I'm working on selling my condo :Not going to lie- it's kind of bittersweet. I was uploading pictures to send to my Realtor and it naturally brought back memories for me. It was my 1st home. It is a beautiful place! If anyone or anyone you know of is looking to buy a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo in Waukesha, send me an e-mail: bmmikec16@hotmail.com! Thank you :)

Well, that in summary is what I've been up to. I miss all of you from back in home & I've truly enjoyed meeting all my new friends here in Nashville. I finally feel like I actually "belong" here, in TN, the Volunteer State!

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and are looking forward to the most wonderful time of the year, Christmas!!

XOXOXO

Lies vs. Truth...

So, lately I've been feeling very attacked by Satan's quiet but powerful schemes to deceive me with his Lies vs. God's truth.

Absurd things like,
"You're never going to get married."
"You're never going to look like that."
"As much as you want to believe they will, people will never see you for who you really are inside."
"Who would want to be with you when you don't even have a stable job?"
"He is interested in someone else."
"You're too old."
"You failed in ministry once, why try it again?"

I know so strongly in my heart, they are lies, but I'm also definitely learning that is exactly how Satan works- he knows where we are weak, where we are vulnerable & he goes straight for the heart.

I've been finding myself surrounded by many people that are younger than me lately, and while I do love to think of myself as someone that can share my life experiences with them- it's also very hard not to look around sometimes and think, I'm not where they are at anymore, I'm not looking for what they are looking for anymore, I don't enjoy doing the same things anymore...it can be difficult to relate to them sometimes. It is not that I think I'm better, because I'm certainly not...just at a different point in life. I've learned not to jump from relationship to relationship and to let myself heal from one to the other and to try & learn from each one, instead of becoming bitter and carrying that into the next relationship.. 

Lord-willing, I'm looking for a long-term relationship, not just dating to date, someone that is stable, someone that won't bolt at the first hiccup in the relationship, someone that loves me for who I am & who God created me to be, not who they would like me to be, and most importantly, someone that loves and fears the Lord above all else and has the desire to seek, follow & serve the Lord together. I've prayed that this desire would not consume me though and take me away from this tender relationship that is growing between me & God. For too long, I've let it consume my thoughts. I've come to the conclusion it's because I fear being alone forever and never being able to have that wedding that I've always dreamed of, have those children I've always dreamed of having, buying that house with my future husband or getting that dog together. I want those things so badly, but I'm learning more and more everyday, that God wants me first.

In those moments of being single, I have learned so much about myself, my desires and my passions. It seems to make sense that is what God would want so we knew if that One person that we met, had similar passions and desires.

Recently our Young Adult Community Group has been passing around a few articles on "Singleness". I particularly enjoyed reading this one from the Relevant magazine: Making the most of being single. It spoke to me on so many levels. A few particular points hit home for me -

"You’re not making the most of being single if all you can think about is finding a partner, and asking God why you don't have one yet."  Ouch.

"Making the most of being single means being on your own. It’s just you and God. Being single is about discovering who you are, setting personal boundaries, knowing your likes and dislikes, your passions and the desires of your heart."

"It’s not your fault you want someone so badly. It’s natural. It’s how our hearts are wired."

"But just like anything else, the enemy will take what is meant for good and use it to distract you from where God wants you to be."

"that’s right where the enemy wants you: so distracted with a desperate need for a relationship, you cannot live the life God has called you to while you’re single."


"Making the most of being single is taking the opportunity to become completely content in your relationship with Christ."

"Making the most of being single is being 100 percent OK with being single."
 
I intend on keeping this article on hand to refer back to when I start getting discouraged or losing hope in the area of relationships. I hope this article can encourage some of you single ladies & men, like it did me. I'm learning these things: God has a plan. His timing is different than ours. God doesn't make mistakes. YOU are right where you need to be to do the work God wants to do in & through you. Amen to that.

"I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord."

- 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

The journey continues...

So, I'll admit...I've had a little bit of a "writer's block" lately (if you can call it that, I'm not much of a writer).
I've listened to many great sermons & have been reading many great books & have a lot of random thoughts & great conversations, but have just not been able to put them into words for some reason?
So...well, I haven't.
It's been a very interesting journey, this move to Nashville.
So many things I could have never thought would happen, even if I tried.
I know this:  God is good, ALL the time. All the time, God is GOOD.

Here, we are October 4th. I've been living here for 10 months...10 months!
That is so hard for me to even believe.
Why?
Because SO much has happened in that short period of time.
And, I made it through probably one of the most challenging times in my life. (Yep, I'd rank it pretty high up there)
I find that often times when I look back at what I've been through, I'm so thankful for where I am.
It was certainly painful going through some of those moments, but who I am on the other side is all that matters.
And, I thank my God even for those hard moments, for they are helping to shape me into who I am today.

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.    ~1 Peter 4:12-13

Since December 2010, I....
Entered into a new relationship...left my family/friends/church & life in WI, that is all I ever knew....I moved to another state (never done before)...Started a new position in a new city, with new people, in a new industry...I traveled to Africa twice leading & co-leading mission trips to love & care for orphans and experience the pain, poverty & yet a beautiful God-filled country that changed my life...I fell into a mild depression after the relationship did not work out (I'm a fighter & I don't give up easy)...I experienced a wild rollercoaster of emotions for several months...I struggled to make genuine friendships...I moved 3 times since moving to Nashville...I finally discovered a new Church that I fell in love with....one of my cats became really sick & was diagnosed with kidney disease (she's doing well so far!)....I lost my position at the organization I basically relocated to Nashville for....I fell into another mild depression (or maybe never healed from the 1st one) while dealing with another set of wild emotions about how & why things didn't work out & what to do now....I then had to deal with car issues & I had to fork out money for that....I lived in my new apartment for only 6 months & my roommate decided she wanted to move closer to downtown, so I was on the scramble for a new roommate again.(success! I found a great one.)...I'm still on the search and seeking God's direction for a new position- constantly networking and researching different non-profits and organizations....In the meantime I have been nannying for several different families. The experiences I've had with those in itself are something to blog about. I've had the opportunity to travel to New York, Kentucky, & Aspen in December!...I began attending a Women's Ministry group called Cultivate Her that covers some deep topics...I've picked running back up & have been trying to do that  consistently, while maintaining a healthy, balanced diet (and plan to run the Country Music half-marathon in April 2012)...I was recently asked to help coordinate the Serving Opportunities with the local ministries & organizations for our Young Adult Community Groups (which has been incredibly awesome) and yet, has also pulled me out of my comfort zone..I'm involved in a small Community Group that has really showed me what genuine community is...I've developed a routine of getting up early to enter into a time of worship & devotion with God first thing in the morning (usually on my patio, with hot coffee in hand, and one of my cats by my side- bliss.) and followed by a run/walk. Right now...the weather here in Nashville is INCREDIBLE!! 

Through all of these experiences I've been reminded of the many great things God has given me & to be thankful for a family that loves & cares for me, genuine & real (old & new) friendships, a Church I feel proud to be a part of & one that encourages & motivates me to want to grow in my relationship with the Lord more & more everyday, enough money to put a roof over my head, clothes on my body, food to nourish me & most importantly, I'm reminded I have a big, big God who loves me...just the way I am. 


A special thank you to all of you in my life who have walked with me (and will continue to walk with me) on this journey and have loved me unconditionally through good times & bad- weaknesses and all. You know who you are! XOXO

Oh, and have I mentioned that God is Good, all the time!

Uniquely.Me

So, we are currently in a new series at Cross Point, called SHAPED: Discovering Your Unique Life with God.

This series title had me intrigued and so I looked up the definition of shaped.

shape

noun /SHāp/ 
shapes, plural

The external form or appearance characteristic of someone or something OR
Something distinguished from its surroundings by its outline
Basically, we are "shaped" by our surroundings. Molded.
So, what we CHOOSE to be our surroundings, will ultimately shape and mold what we become.
Wow.
Simple, but yet complex.
My thoughts: So, we learn that everyone of us has been created in HIS image. Yet, ultimately because of SIN in this world, our upbringings, our childhoods, our pasts and/or our environments begin to shape us into who we are today and sometimes (a lot of times) that ultimately is not who God created us to be.
But, the amazing thing is that God does not give up on us. Ever.

 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.  ~ Philippians 1:6

I love that we are participating in a church-wide study together as a Body of Christ.

This study is beginning with a Monvee assessment, which is ultimately helping people and churches grow spiritually.

"You have what it takes to grow, find out what gets in the way!"

This assessment begins with participants taking a brief survey on our spiritual walk. 

Easy enough. 

This leads to a Discovery Summary, which ultimately helps to discover new insights about how we are uniquely wired.

"Start your journey towards God's best version of you!"

There are 3 personality characteristics they focus on:  

Learn: describe how people work & how they work best together
Pathway: how people connect with God
Personality: character in the Bible that we most closely resemble

So, here are glimpses of what my assessment discovered about me:

I learn best through Reading. I would say this is true, I am a hi-lighter :) However, I also feel I am a hands-on person who learns through observing or doing.

"You love reading and writing"
"You love reading & do it regularly"

I connect most with God through Creation. I would have to agree with this 100%. Give me the outdoors and I instantly SEE God and connect with him through nature, flowers, clouds, sunsets and sunrises, waves, deer and butterflies...and so much more.

"You have a passionate ability to connect with God when you are experiencing the world He made. Being outside replenishes and energizes you. If  you are cooped up inside too long your soul starts to feel stale."
"You need to spend large chunks of time outdoors, often praying or meditating."

My personality matched up with Abraham, who was known as someone who would give the tunic off his back to anyone who needed his help. He had a giving spirit.
Hmm, interesting.

"You are more reserved and quietly helpful."
"You are more individualistic and live more in the world of ideas...and think of possibilities that would improve people's lives."
"You are usually warm & empathetic & strive to make the environments of others harmonious."
"Your caring nature is your hallmark. You are a good listener and are in tune with how those around you feel. You relate well with others & you make friends easily. Those close to you see you as generous, playful & sincere. You make people feel important & loved. Some of what people love about you is that you have an uncanny ability to see the est in them & to meet their needs in specific helpful ways. You help them believe there is more to them than what even they can see."

"Being fearful of feeling unwanted and/or unloved, you are motivated to find ways to show love & you want to feel needed & wanted."
Bingo.
"You are altruistic, generous, enthusiastic & thoughtful. You work to think of others & to be unselfish."
"You are seen as nurturing, encouraging & filled with genuine interest in them."
"You love to give a hug, pat someone on the back or say an encouraging word. You find pleasure in pitching in & helping people when they ask."
"Because you have such a strong need to help you can find it hard to say no & you can become exhausted."
So true.
"You can spend too much time trying to impress people in order to be appreciated & find yourself working to please everyone too much."
Oh dear.

(I love this)
"Remember that God LOVES you, not for what you do for Him, but because you are who He made YOU to be."

"Being known as a helpful person is very important to you."
"Guard yourself from selfish motivations & concentrate on your genuine desire to help people."

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. - Proverbs 11:2

"You are specifically designed by God & chosen by Jesus for good works. God has made you to be a blessing to those in your world."

Wow.

Finally, in summary- my personal growth recommendations:

"Strive for balance & listening to God's call."

"Seeing a need does not necessarily mean you are called to help. You cannot give what you do not have or at least you can't do it for very long. Be sure & take time to fill your tank & address your own needs. Learn to rest, to say no when you need to say no & to say yes to things that fill you up. It is not selfish to make sure that you are okay before attending to others needs. It is simply striving for balance."

I am learning this every.single.day.

Before I can fill up others tanks, I need to fill up my own.

These last few months have really sucked a lot of fuel out of me.

I guess this is the season of life I am in, a season where I need to take the time to recognize where I need to be re-fueled spiritually.

My desire is to fill my cup until it runneth over, so that I can again pour into the lives of others. 

Thank you, Jesus for your amazing love for me, for seeing me for who I really am and for creating me the way you have desired. My desire is to become more and more like YOU everyday. If you are reading this, may I ask for your prayers as I learn to walk this journey with God to discover who He has uniquely created me to be and that I may get the fuel I need to move forward. Thank you so much! xoxo

Out of the wreckage comes BEAUTY...

So, this past week I've been in Tuckahoe, New York (Southampton area).
A family was traveling to NY for a horse show and so I've been nannying for this little guy...

Adorable, isn't he? His name is Sammie.
He's been so much fun!
Sweet as can be. Makes me laugh. Makes me smile. Makes me tired ;)
He's got a lot of energy! Guess I probably did too at 1 years old!
Believe it or not, he's teaching me a lot.
While it's been fun spending time with him almost all day, every day- I've found myself thinking, I could really use some adult conversation.
I guess it has made me really appreciate what Mother's go through.
Especially stay-at-home mother's (and father's).
We all need our adult time. We all need community. We may all need time away from cheerios, juice, toys & temper tantrums. I think it is only healthy.
I think we can certainly enjoy every moment we have with the children around us, we may just need to take time for ourselves.
So, my prayers go out to all of you hard-working mothers & father's and all that you do!

So, along with teaching me this...I've also learned the value of pouring into children- especially at a young age. It's what you choose to do with your child(ren) while taking the time away, that matters.
Are you putting them into the hands of someone you can TRUST.
** Please know I'm not trying to cut down on people that have nanny's or babysitters (because I am one & I love it!) **

So, here I am in New York and I've noticed that several families have nanny's for their children.
What I have observed is they are very hands-off with their children...so they are raised by their nanny.
I'm not sure why but it hasn't settled well with me. It truly breaks my heart.
Why would you have children if you're just going to send them off with someone else?
Many of the children are not polite at all...and appear to really have had no discipline.
So, while Mom & Dad enjoy their luxuries, the children are put in the hands of someone else?
Don't  you want to see your child grow up?
Don't you want to see your child take their first step?
I know that sometimes this is out of the parents control- or in my case, they have asked me to travel with them and take care of their son while they attend tennis clinics and enjoy some husband/wife time & attend a horse show.
It has been so interesting to see a Mother who values spending time with her child, even with me here.
She has specifically told me she wants to take her boy to the park or play with him on the beach.
So, while I'm still getting paid to be here- I get some downtime.
And, I've felt appreciated, with their words, gratitude, etc.

I've also observed Grandparents that have raised their own children up with nannies- so when they have grand babies, they treat them with the same mentality. Short, brief interactions. Scold them for things children at their age do. Leave the room without saying goodbye. Imitate their cute baby talk, like a baby, instead of trying to understand what they are trying to communicate. Again, very hands-off. Almost as is they are a nuisance once they start making a mess or start crying. And, I wouldn't dare change their diaper in the same room as them.
It's been so intriguing to me to see these interactions.

If I am chosen to be a nanny- I want to know that you still want to be a big part of that child's life.
That, you value me as a "part" of the family & not just "cheap labor" to watch your very own children.
These children are precious and deserve more than that.

Finally, another thing I noticed is how people treat nanny's around here (and I'm sure other places too).
But, it is almost as if I'm looked down upon.
Rarely will I get a genuine hello, usually something that is forced.
Again, cheap labor.
They can't associate themselves with someone like, ME!
I'm just the hired help.

I guess if there were a moral to this post, it would be....there are so many children out there that are starving for attention, for love, for nurturing and will one day represent the future generations- we need to pour into them, invest into them, LOVE them! As Proverbs 22:6 states, "Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it."

Ok, so honestly this post wasn't intended for me to go off on that little tangent about nannying...but, I will just say I let my fingers do the talking :)

So....New York. I've never been here, so it's been exciting to see another part of the U.S. that is new to me. I always pictured New York as New York City- big city, lots of lights, lots of traffic.
But, we are in Southampton, a very different part of New York.
There are definitely very beautiful sights here!
Here are just some of them that I've captured...

And, just about everyone heard about Hurricane Irene that hit the East Coast. 

Of course I would come to New York for the first time when a hurricane decides to occur :)

Having never experienced one before, I was just slightly nervous about it.

I mean, what do you do in a hurricane? You don't go to the basement.

I guess, you evacuate? 

Well, the family I am with did not seem to have any plans to evacuate so I'm wondering, do we just hide in the upstairs bathrooms and hope for the best? 

As we watched the news it appeared that the news anchors were really going for media coverage and it seemed that what they were creating to be a dangerous hurricane, was really only a tropical storm when it hit us. From what I hear, New Jersey did get the worst of it.

Ok, I get it...I get it...that's their job. And, "better to be safe than sorry". 

I just found it a little bit humorous, that's all.

So, besides some rain, some strong winds, debris flying around, trees down & power out...we are safe.

I took a few pictures of the beach the day before and the day after...as well as some of the massive trees that were down. 

The beach the day before the storm

Just one of the massive trees that the storm took down

The beach the day after the storm

I guess one thing that I took from this "hurricane" experience was that, out of the wreckage there truly can be beauty!

I've been through so many "storms" in my life and looking back, God has always created something more beautiful through that storm. I didn't see it at the time. (Just like we only see the storm that we are experiencing while it is happening). Whether He's helped me acknowledge my talents, my gifts, my strengths or even my weaknesses, He is wrecking me so that he can build me back me up. So that I can become more like Him, more like the beautiful person He has created me to be.

So, like a storm and like the broken, sinful world we live in- we need to guard ourselves from sin, from the dangerous winds that blow us around...for if we are not careful and don't take the precautions He gives us, through His Word, we will reap the consequences, we will continue to be hurt or suffer. 

Well, that in a nutshell has been my experience in New York so far! :)


Thank you Lord for letting me SEE what you are teaching me through every small circumstance in my life.

Hey, beautiful..

 

(This was a beautiful blog post that I read this morning and it gave me so much comfort that I wanted to share it with any of you that need to read this today too. You.are.beautiful!) 

Loved
I'm not wearing any make-up. My hair is a mess. The early morning sunlight streams through the kitchen window and he looks up over his coffee to say, "Hey, beautiful." 
I will never understand this. How love can look past the immediate and see in one glance not just what's right in front it but the essence of a person. Yes, he sees me standing in the doorway but somehow he also still sees the girl standing at the altar in a white dress too.
Solomon said, "Love covers a multitude of sins."
My husband can see past the tangled hair, the sleepy eyes, the ragged shirt because of love.
And he's not the only one.
God sees us that way too. We stand in front of Him with our messy lives, our bare souls and we are certain that there isn't any beauty to behold.
Then He catches us by surprise, looks our way and says, "Hey, beautiful."
Yes, husband or not, you are loved that way too.
Loved by the God who flung the stars into space, who called your name before you ever came into being, who pursues you relentlessly and passionately.

"As women, we are experts at earning the affections of friends, lovers, children and our families. Coming face-to-face with a God who loves us unconditionally sets us off balance....It's scary to believe in God's unconditional love. What if it's not true? Then the deepest desire of every little girl and every grown woman can never be a reality.
We watch Cinderella and hope for our own version of living happily ever after. But life disappoints us, and God is our last chance to be fully, deeply loved. So we do everything possible to please Him because even though we've endured many rejections, His would be unbearable.
But God is whispering the words to our hearts we long to hear if only we can dare to believe them: 'You are loved--deeply, truly, always.' "--God's Heart for You: Embracing Your True Worth as a Woman

No matter how it may feel, you are seen through eyes of love. You are chosen, wanted, cherished right now and forever after.
No make-up. Messy hair. Messy life too.
It's all made beautiful by the One who loves you.
What's a time in your life when you felt God's love? 

- Blog by Holley Gerth

I am found in the Aftermath...

This past week I attended a Hillsong United concert here in Nashville, TN.
To say it was a good concert is a complete understatement.
It was an amazing night of refreshing, beautifully intimate worship with a room full of people in love with God.
Some accepted Christ as their Savior that night. Some crying out in desperation. Some worshiping with all they have. Some filled with joy. Some on the verge of losing hope.
He invited everyone there in that room to be there.
You could so feel His PRESENCE there in that room.
I have been listening to them for years but it was my first time seeing them LIVE.
Amazing.
Genuine hearts. Genuine lyrics. Genuine worship.
Here is just one song that really grabbed a hold of me....

  The skies lay low where You are
On the earth You rest Your feet
Yet the hands that cradle the stars
Are the hands that bled for me

In a moment of glorious surrender
You were broken for all the world to see
Lifted out of the ashes
I am found in the aftermath

Freedom found in Your scars
In Your grace my life redeemed
For You chose to take the sinner's crown
As You placed Your crown on me

In that moment of glorious surrender
Was the moment You broke the chains in me
Lifted out of the ashes
I am found in the aftermath

And in that moment You opened up the heavens
To the broken the beggar and the thief
Lifted out of the wreckage
I find hope in the aftermath

And I know that You're with me
Yes I know that You're with me here
And I know Your love will light the way

Now all I have I count it all as loss
But to know You and to carry the cross
Knowing I'm found
In the light of the aftermath 

 This song just provided so much HOPE for me & for those going through dark valleys in their life. 

Amidst the rubble, amidst the pain, amidst the ashes, amidst the wreckage....we are found in the Aftermath.

He lifts us up. He is with us. His love will light the way. 

Such sweet, comforting words.

Thank you, Jesus.

FAN vs. FOLLOWER

So, this past Sunday my Church started a new series called, Together We Will.

Every year they take a look at what their VISION as a Church is.
I love that they do that. I love that they don't desire to be the same every year.
Life changes. People change. We're always learning.
It makes complete & perfect sense that the church would want to change with us.
To help us grow to be more of what we were created to BE.

Cross Point Community Church would like to be a church that is:
 

** RADICALLY DEVOTED TO CHRIST. **
** IRREVOCABLY COMMITTED TO ONE ANOTHER. **
** RELENTLESSLY DEDICATED TO REACHING THE LOST. **

Amazing.

Doesn't that spell... J.E.S.U.S? 

Our Pastor, Pete Wilson, did such a great job speaking truth to all of us that need to hear about the CRISIS in the church today. He said, "The crisis today is not about the church's attendance. People are going to church, but they are not changing, they are not being transformed". 

Wow.
For how many of us is church just something we do to look good in the eyes of others? Something we do to make ourselves feel better? ....
Pete stated, "You can be a fan of Jesus, but not a follower".
Ouch.

Donald Driver, the BEST player there is!!

So, football season is coming up.
(I will proudly admit, even though I live in TN now...I'll always be a big FAN of the Green Bay Packers!)
Obviously, I don't play football. I just cheer on the side- or I guess at the T.V.
I'm not in the game. I'm not getting pounded like most of them. I'm not scoring touchdowns.
I'm not experiencing the blood, sweat & tears they are.
I'm just happy when we score and sad when we don't.
But truthfully, I have no idea what it's like to be IN the game (and don't really think I want to experience that).

This is what Pete's message was getting at.
There are many of us that like the "idea" of Jesus, but we're not willing to give up everything to serve Him. Or, we love Jesus, but we're not going to serve the poor in Africa.
We are fans of Jesus, but not followers.

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." -Matthew 16:24-25

How do we do this?

Pete's words, "It is going to take a new heart & new desires."

Oh, boy. 

That does not sound easy.

That is going to take hard work.

That is going to take intentionality. 

That is going to take dedication.

That is going to take humility.

That is going to take trust. 

That is going to take dying to myself & living for HIM.

He left us with this this question, "Do we trust Jesus with our lives?"

Do I? 

Our next question- so where do I start? I have so much baggage. My heart is so hardened. I've been hurt. I've been betrayed. I don't know the Bible. I'm comfortable where I am.

The answer: YOU START RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase". 

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

This was me just a few years ago.

Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely still a work in progress. I'm learning & growing everyday.

Some days I still struggle with trusting Jesus with my life (that felt silly just typing that).

I learned, and am still learning, that I can only take ONE.STEP.AT.A.TIME.

Sharing my hurts, my struggles, my emotions that were built up inside was hard. 

Who could I trust? Who wasn't going to judge me for what I've done? Who would actually LISTEN to me?

My Pastor from my home church in WI approached me.

That began the start of a life-long Pastor/Mentor relationship.

She has continued to teach me, challenge me, support me and LOVE me for who I am.

So, as a follower of someone we know that means we DO what they DO.

Many times in my life I've been asked, "are you more of a leader or a follower?"

I'll admit, growing up, I felt more like a follower....and I felt that was a weakness. 

Over the years I have been put into Leadership roles. 

I can certainly BE a leader, but truthfully, I don't like to be the center of attention. 

I like to collaborate with people. To use their wisdom, their gifts, their talents.

I'm honored to be a person that someone looks up to, but because I am not perfect in any way, I always strive to learn and grow from everyone around me.

I tend to "feel" out my surroundings when I'm in a group of people.

This is certainly not meant in a bad way. I think it was just the way I was raised. 

I think in some way it's a way to find out if the people I'm around are "safe".

I guess my personality is not one to just jump in the middle of a crowd & start talking.

I enjoy watching & learning from others first.

It seems that life has a way of making us believe that we should all be leaders...and not followers.

But, what if it's OK to be a follower?

Pete stated, if we are true FOLLOWERS that are RADICALLY DEVOTED to Christ we must:

• Commit to BELIEVE whatever Jesus says.
• Commit to OBEY whatever we have heard.

I began reading my Bible.
Well, I tried to. There were so many books, so many chapters. What did they mean?
I'm still working on understanding the context of each book...and who all these people are.
How can I read so many other books so easily and commit to reading those, but not commit to the most important book there is?
I want to read the Bible like I've read so many other books that I can't put down.
This is the #1 "self-help" book there is out there!

Pete closed with this, "The Gospel does not call for REFLECTION, but ACTION."
We can't just read the Bible and stay living in sin, or stay living the way we are.
We have to change. We have to grow. We have to learn....
and we have to teach and share it with others!

So, are  you a fan....or a follower?

Directing my steps...

"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."  ~ Proverbs 16:9

This verse has really begun to sink in the more I learn that I am truly not in control of my life.
This move to Nashville, TN has proven to ultimately be HIS plan, not mine.
If people were to ask me if I had ever thought of moving to Nashville, TN I would have said that Tennessee never even entered my thoughts.
I did have a desire to move South for awhile, but in my head, it was going to be Georgia. I had family there and had visited there and loved it.
And, there I was, planning my way, my life.

This past December I accepted a position with a non-profit here in Tennessee as a Mission Trip Coordinator.
This was something I had dreamed about. This was my passion. This was my desire.
I felt like God knew my desires and he was orchestrating everything just the way "I" desired them.
I quickly made the decision to leave WI & move to TN.
Leaving my friends, my family, my church....everything I was comfortable with.
I started my position in January.
I had a temporary living arrangement, that looking back, I should have thought through a lot more.
A relationship that had formed had dissolved.
The questions swirled in my head!
Why is this happening?
I did not know a lot of people.
I still had not found a Church.
I needed to find a place to live.
I was new to Nashville so I was overwhelmed with where to even begin looking.
I was so hesitant to try Craigslist. But, I did.
I found two great potential roommates.
I had to choose one which was hard because they both seemed great!
I decided to go with the roommate with the better location for me.
Turns out we had some mutual connections and she also attended Cross Point Community Church.
The first night I attended, I knew it was where I belonged.
It is now a place I love and call my new Church home.

I say all of this because while I didn't choose the one roommate, we remained friends...and still do.
It definitely seems as though God orchestrated that friendship!
We recently met up and went for a nice long walk together & had a great conversation.
This was actually what prompted me to blog.
Simply because, while we don't always see the reason for our current situations, God does.
He sees the big picture!


So, for the next few months, things were rocky, but they were getting better..
I was beginning to adjust more & more to my new job.
I was beginning to settle in my new "home"..in my new city.
I was beginning to build great friendships.
I was beginning to get involved in my Church.
I was beginning to feel myself again.

Then, one of my sweet cats began to get really sick.
I found a vet close to work and it has turned out to be a wonderful place, with great staff!
They really had compassion for my cat which is so important.
I've learned that those with pets completely understand & know the importance of this.
Over the past several months I begun to get to know the staff- so much that after sharing some of my circumstance, one offered to pray for me.
It seemed again that God had orchestrated this.

Soon, things fell apart with my job and I really began questioning everything. Including God.
What am I going to do?
Why is this all happening to me- all at once? 
I felt like I was losing hope.
Was this entire move a mistake?

"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."  ~ Proverbs 16:9

This verse came to me again and I began to really seek comfort and peace in it.
The Lord... is directing my steps.

I was recently driving back from Georgia and while I've seen the "Welcome to Tennessee" sign several times..

...it didn't hit me until recently that it is known as "The Volunteer State".
For those that know me, you know that for a long time I have just loved to get involved by volunteering.
It brings me joy to help others in need and to take the focus off of me & my circumstances.
At this moment, it was just another confirmation that God was directing my steps and I should stay in Tennessee!

I'm just so encouraged at how often the moments that seem difficult at the time, are made fruitful with time, prayer, trust and obedience. I know deep down that God only wants the best for me, but when I'm in the moment, in that cloud of my circumstances, it's so hard to see that. I'm thankful for these times, for it draws me closer to my Creator, which He desires from us all along. 

"When God guides us, He works in ways we can't predict. He can use even our inconveniences to bring honor to His name. When we face a seeming nuisance in our day, perhaps we should look not just for what we think we want but also for what God has for us that day." - Dave Branon


Right now, I'm just resting in Him.
Seeking His direction for my life.
I have been looking into some full and part-time nanny opportunities.
I still have a lingering desire in my heart to be involved in Missions or non-profits, in some way.
I don't know what they will look like, but I have a God that does.
I've heard this saying, "In every circumstance, you can either be BITTER or BETTER".
I choose, BETTER!

For anyone that is reading this, I would just ask for your continued prayer during this time.
Prayer for direction, for discernment, clarity and that God will use this time to draw me closer to Him.

Much love!

His PRESENCE vs. His PRESENTS

So, many of us have heard of the saying, "Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery and Today is a gift, that's why it's called the PRESENT."

See, I'm a visual learner and that applies to learning Scripture for me too. For me, I have to be able to relate it to my life, in order for it to make sense. Well, this quote has always encouraged me because it has taught me to live in the MOMENT, to live for TODAY and not to WORRY about the future. Matthew 6:34 also speaks to us about worry: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Isn't that the truth? Easier said than done sometimes. I'm a work in progress, that's for sure.

Well, I was reminded about this again the other day after a great sermon I heard at my Church. You can listen to the sermon here. The Title of the sermon was "Presence vs. Presents".  The main "take home" point of the message was this:

"God is more concerned with who we are BECOMING than where we are GOING."

I started thinking about how these are both very interestingly enough, related.

The first quote talks about TODAY being a GIFT and well, what do we do with a gifts/presents? We open them with anticipation. We treasure them. We enjoy them in that moment. We're thankful to whomever gave them to us. We take our time opening them, and don't run off and do something else right away. (Ok, so maybe when we were kids we would open it, say "Oooh, cool!" and then throw it aside and open up the next one or go play with our friends, forgetting to say thank you!) Forgive me, but I think there is a neat God moment here. Most of us are probably also familiar with the phrase, "stop & smell the roses". I think of God saying this to us, with each new day.. "Please, STOP. Enjoy what I'm giving you, TODAY. Life. Friends. Family. Beautiful skies. Love. Even the butterfly that just landed on your hand. Don't worry about what tomorrow brings or what the future holds. Just enjoy today, as a gift from Me. I have so much to give you, to show you, to teach you." And, we know that- tomorrow is not promised to us.

The second quote is basically saying, God is not concerned with what is going to happen tomorrow, so why should we? He is more concerned with what we are learning today, in the process. Because, it is in the process that we are becoming more Christ-like, more like Him...and, isn't it true, we are created in HIS image?! Hmm. I think He's also saying, he's not so much concerned with how successful we are...He's more concerned with WHO we are becoming as we go through life. Again, if we were created in His image, and he knew who we were to become before our existence...doesn't it make sense that he would be more concerned if we were becoming who He created us to be??

Ok...here's an example. Let's say you are an artist (or not one, like me) and you have a picture in mind that you would like to draw. But, as you begin drawing you suddenly realize it's not looking at all like what you pictured in your mind. You begin to get frustrated or disappointed because it's not at all what you wanted to CREATE! Oh boy, what are others going to think about this? Do you see the connection here? Scripture refers to humans (you & me) as the clay and Jesus is the Potter. He is FORMING us into His image. Or, that we are His masterpiece. Here is a definition of masterpiece:

mas·ter·piece/ˈmastərˌpēs/Noun

1. A work of outstanding artistry, skill, or workmanship.

2. An artist's or craftsman's best piece of work.

God desires us to become His masterpiece, His perfect creation, His children....in His timing. So, even if it takes some of us longer to get there, this just means that He has more perfecting, more crafting to do in us and through us. The catch...we have to LET Him.

So, this sermon convicted and challenged me, especially with where I'm at in my life. It challenged us to ask ourselves, "Are we more concerned with God's PRESENTS (our jobs, our success, our accomplishments, our relationships, our cars, our electronics, our homes or our money) than we are with God's PRESENCE (His love for us through Scripture, through Prayer, through Devotion)?" Wow.

While some of the "presents" aren't necessarily bad things, they can take the place of spending time intimately with Him, building and growing a relationship with Him, growing dependent on Him and enjoying the joy, peace and love He has to offer us. God does certainly BLESS His people with "presents" or gifts/talents/abilities...it's what we DO with those presents that matter. Do we worship these things more than we worship the God who provided them to us, the God who created us?

So, the question we should ask ourselves is this, do we VALUE life with God over His blessings? I personally loved this phrase from the sermon:

"God is more interested in my character than my calendar" 

Amen.

Do we focus on the DESTINATION or are we more concerned with who we are BECOMING on the journey?

In the end, it's simple...

God DESIRES our HEARTS...our PRESENCE!

A sweet whisper...

I follow this blog, Heart to Heart with Holley, and am always inspired by her posts.

This one was especially timely for me!

I wanted to share it with any of you that are reading this and need to hear these words too.

Love you!

Just a whisper for you as you start the week...

I'm thinking of you, wherever you are, starting the week and wondering what it will hold. 

And I just want to whisper that you're loved by the One who will hold you no matter what comes.

Yes, He sees you, knows you, understands every detail.

He delights in who you are, in what you do--even the things you think no one notices.

Your life has a purpose.

You matter so much.
You are on your way to good things ahead.

And today is the next step. 

So take a deep breath and move ahead, my friend.
I'm so grateful to walk with you too. 

A heavy heart..

Laying in bed with a heavy, heavy heart tonight.
Missing Africa a lot tonight.
Interesting day today..one that I think triggered these emotions.

I've had a really hard time these last couple of weeks...so much turmoil, so much unrest.
Still processing memories & uploading pictures from my last trip to Africa & my heart aches, some changes were made in my employment that completely took me by surprise...and have left me with yet again, another broken heart.
I visited my hometown & my family & friends...bittersweet.
I miss all of them, but I love being in Nashville...and the new friends I've made.
My faith is certainly being tested.
Some days I just want to throw my hands up in the air & give up.
"Lord, I've tried to follow you."
"Have I heard you wrong?"
"What is it that you would like me to do?"
I'm at a loss...

My Pastor Jeri, a God-fearing, inspirational & wise woman who has been my Mentor for several years now, spoke words to me that really sunk in...and I can't stop processing them.
"Brenda, have you realized that all of your life you have been swimming, gasping for air- just trying to survive? Things have been so out of control and your life continues to be uprooted & you never have time to settle. This is tearing you apart & you deeply desire some sort of stability."
Ugh! How does she get me so well??
She's right.
I have never known stability...in my family, in my relationships, in my friendships, in my career, in my living arrangements...
Daddy, Abba Father- help me. I need a break. I need stability. I need to see you. I need to hear you.
I know that I'm growing and being challenged through all of these trials...and YOU know what is best for me...but this is hard. So.Very.Hard.

I need you.
I need direction.
I need discernment.
I need wisdom.

What will this next chapter in my life be....??

Praying.
Seeking.
Loving...
YOU.

Breaking our hearts for what breaks His...

The 2011 Visiting Orphans June/July Uganda-Kenya Team

UGANDA

Day 1

The D.C. crew had a to-go breakfast and loaded up for the airport, meeting up with the rest of the team. Everyone arrived safely- all 22 women! We had a few complications in checking-in with luggage but overall things went pretty smoothly. After checking everyone in, we departed for Addis Ababa airport in Ethiopia.

Day 2

We arrived in Ethiopia, had a layover for a few hours and then departed for Entebbe airport in Uganda. Upon arrival in Uganda we were greeted by our wonderful driver, Abasi (we call him "Ah-bus") who took us to the Canaan Children's Home bus.

We loaded our 44 + bags onto a truck and departed for the Guest House in Kampala. It was about a 2-hour drive. It was amazing to watch the team as they took in the sights, sounds & smells along the way.  It was as though they were experiencing..Shock. Disbelief. Sadness. Even after being there a few months ago, my eyes still could not believe what I was seeing. Dirt roads.Women carrying their children on their back. The main source of transportation were feet, bicycles & boda-boda's (motorcycles). Children walking barefoot. Women seated on the side of the road selling goods to the local buyers in order to provide for their family. But, why were we sad? Is it because it was so different to we see & experience in our towns/villages/streets? To them this was everyday life...they do not know anything else. They were content. Eye-opening for sure. 

Upon arrival we checked into our Guest House and unloaded all of our bags. Most of the team began organizing donations. A few of us went to exchange money in Kampala. The trip to the bank was not quite like a trip to the bank in America. Eyes watching you, armed security guards and just a nervousness as we had to try and convert to Ugandan schillings. We were grateful to have two great African contacts that accompanied & protected us. We then went to the market for bread, peanut butter, snacks & water. Buying for 22 people is much different than buying for just yourself :) The ride back through downtown Kampala at night was a truly humbling experience. It was the first time I had experienced seeing street kids all alone begging for food as many people just passed them by, some even mocking them. They were almost perfectly spaced all the way up & down the street. We saw a young girl, maybe 9 years old, with a baby who had to be under a year old, who had left her crawling as she walked away & reached into the garbage can to find something to wipe her bottom. My heart sank. Why is that happening? Where are their parents? If I was somewhat frightened on our drive, how do those children feel? I know God sees this & it breaks His heart too... these are images that are going to stick with us for a long time. Back at the Guest House, the rest of the team had dinner with Moses, the in-country Director for Sixty Feet, as he gave them guidelines about our visit to the prisons over the next couple of days. A heavy, but impactful day. The team had an opportunity to blog, check e-mails, etc. and then it was lights out- we had a busy day ahead of us.

Day 3

The team had breakfast and then we departed to one of the children's prison/remand home with Sixty Feet to minister to the children. We were greeted by them with music. We then introduced ourselves to them. We began with just telling our names, but they wanted to know more about us :) So, we shared what we do, our ages, etc. The children got a kick out of the younger girls on our team- they seemed to think it was funny that they were the same age as some of them! I just loved that they wanted to know so much about us- shows how much they truly VALUE relationships....a lesson for us Americans who rush through life, hardly getting to truly know one another. 

We shared some of our songs with them and then split up into groups & made salvation bracelets with the children- explaining what the colors meant as they made them: Black=sin, who were are before we are saved. Red=blood that Jesus shed for us, White=snow, we are washed clean, Yellow=streets of gold, where we will be in eternity & Green=growth, if we continue to follow God, our lives will continue to be fruitful and grow into who we were created to be! ♥

They seemed very shy & closed-off at first, but once we started playing games, they warmed up to us quickly! We had jump ropes, twister, bubbles, balloons and soccer drills going on all at the same time. It did not feel like a prison! It looked like lots of kids with joy & smiles on their faces and having fun. We fed them juice & biscuits before their staple lunch of posho (cornmeal) & beans- two things they do not usually get. It was so tender to see their gratefulness. Juice & biscuits. The things we take for granted...

We arrived back at the Guest House and made sandwiches for lunch and went through some more of the donations. Most of the team took naps- the heaviness of our first day of ministry, the hot African sun and constant need to rehydrate left a lot of our  mentally & physically exhausted. We ended the evening with a team dinner, as well as a debrief from the day! It was so neat to hear everyone's perspectives, feelings, God-moments & experiences. What a wonderful first day of ministry- I thank God that we all had an opportunity to experience what God sees in this world- beyond what we see & experience in our own little comfortable worlds at home. The team was given some time to again blog, check e-mail, etc...we advised them to get some good rest for tomorrow was going to be a full day!

Day 4

Our team had breakfast/devotional time and loaded the bus to depart to another children's prison. Once we arrived they had us sign their Guest book and told us about their facility. They also informed us that over 200 children were just brought in from off the streets the night before...and were being processed. My heart broke. All I could think to myself was- wow. Our team arrived the day after these children were brought in. Jesus, help us help them! They don't deserve this..no one does. We had left over biscuits so as the children stood in line for their lunch (porridge), we handed out a couple biscuits to each of them. Again, something they do not usually receive. What a joy it was to be a part of giving them a simple, special little treat. Showing love in a tangible way. After lunch we gathered in a room where they sang, worshiped and prayed. It was so humbling to see how genuine & heartfelt they were- some of them have clearly entered into a relationship with their Creator and were crying out to Him. This was so powerful for me to see..how easy we can become distracted with material things around us, that we don't take time to thank our Lord for what we have been given and to cry out to Him when things are hard, instead of feeling frustration and anger, sadness and loneliness. Thank you God for letting me see what genuine worship looks like. 

We then began handing out t-shirts to all of the children so that they could begin decorating them with markers, puffy paint, glitter, etc. We were told the children that were still being processed would not be joining us, so we knew that we would certainly have enough t-shirts. But, God had something else in mind. We began to see more and more children slowly filter in. Worried, our team thought we were going to run out of t-shirts and not have enough for everyone. We did not want to disappoint any of them by not having a t-shirt for them. We thought, what were we going to do? What was happening was as the children were being processed they were coming in to join the rest of the group- they were intrigued & wanted to be a part of what was going on. So did God. The t-shirts dwindled until we were out...but the children were still coming. At one point, one of our team members began looking in all of the suitcases that we brought, hoping to find more. To her amazement, she came across another group of t-shirts in one of the front pockets. She claimed, "these were not here before". This brought some of the team members to tears. Where did they come from? Well, from GOD of course!!! What an amazing moment.

The children were spread across the room decorating their shirts on the tables & on the floor. They had so much fun & took so much pride in decorating their own t-shirts with their names. Something they could call their OWN. It was so neat to see how they made sure to include Jesus on their shirts as well! One of them even demonstrated his love for Sixty Feet. Amazing. The Spirit was so evident in that room! Our thought was to have the t-shirts dry as they played- but the children were so proud of them that they wanted to wear them right away! Or, they just wanted to hold on to them. Almost as though they were afraid someone was going to take it away from them. We then headed outside to play all sorts of games and activities with them. Soccer, hop-scotch, bubbles, etc. Again, this did not feel like a prison. At one point I stopped and felt that I was amidst a group of children outside at recess. It was so wonderful to see so many children with joy and smiles on their faces. This is what children are supposed to be doing at this age. A few kids had fallen and scraped their knees. While it broke my heart to see them cry, it was also bittersweet, because this is what happens to children at this age. They fall down and scrape their knees & someone (usually their parents) would pick them up & comfort them and put a bandaid on, assuring them they would be ok. They did not have this. I witnessed a child fall and I instinctively picked him up and brought him inside, pulled out my first aid kit, wiped down his scrape and covered it with a bandaid. Oh, Lord- again...thank you for letting me experience this and letting me comfort that child. What a sweet, sweet moment. After a few hours of playing, we had to depart to our next ministry. As we left, we gave a bag full of toothbrushes and toothpaste to the Administrators so that each child would have one. Thank you to the generous Dentist in America who donated over 500 of them...what a blessing it was to donate these to children who may not have ever had their own toothbrush, let alone toothpaste to clean their teeth. It was so hard to leave all of them- our hearts were very heavy. Our hope is that the joy in their hearts would remain and that future teams will continue to bring the love & hope that they all need to become what God has created them to be! We are so happy that Sixty Feet has invested their time, efforts & love into these children, so we too can also be a part in giving them HOPE. Thank you, Jesus.

We made sandwiches on the bus for our team as we departed to Rebecca Sorensen's ministry, My Father's House in Kampala.  We were arriving later than expected and so the children had remained at school so that they could see all of the visitors. Upon arrival, all of the children line up and sing as we walked in..making you feel like you are a celebrity walking in a parade! The smiles on their faces was so sweet. Having been here before, I somewhat expected this so I had our video camera out so that I could record their sweet, sweet voices.

More to come....