Lies vs. Truth...

So, lately I've been feeling very attacked by Satan's quiet but powerful schemes to deceive me with his Lies vs. God's truth.

Absurd things like,
"You're never going to get married."
"You're never going to look like that."
"As much as you want to believe they will, people will never see you for who you really are inside."
"Who would want to be with you when you don't even have a stable job?"
"He is interested in someone else."
"You're too old."
"You failed in ministry once, why try it again?"

I know so strongly in my heart, they are lies, but I'm also definitely learning that is exactly how Satan works- he knows where we are weak, where we are vulnerable & he goes straight for the heart.

I've been finding myself surrounded by many people that are younger than me lately, and while I do love to think of myself as someone that can share my life experiences with them- it's also very hard not to look around sometimes and think, I'm not where they are at anymore, I'm not looking for what they are looking for anymore, I don't enjoy doing the same things anymore...it can be difficult to relate to them sometimes. It is not that I think I'm better, because I'm certainly not...just at a different point in life. I've learned not to jump from relationship to relationship and to let myself heal from one to the other and to try & learn from each one, instead of becoming bitter and carrying that into the next relationship.. 

Lord-willing, I'm looking for a long-term relationship, not just dating to date, someone that is stable, someone that won't bolt at the first hiccup in the relationship, someone that loves me for who I am & who God created me to be, not who they would like me to be, and most importantly, someone that loves and fears the Lord above all else and has the desire to seek, follow & serve the Lord together. I've prayed that this desire would not consume me though and take me away from this tender relationship that is growing between me & God. For too long, I've let it consume my thoughts. I've come to the conclusion it's because I fear being alone forever and never being able to have that wedding that I've always dreamed of, have those children I've always dreamed of having, buying that house with my future husband or getting that dog together. I want those things so badly, but I'm learning more and more everyday, that God wants me first.

In those moments of being single, I have learned so much about myself, my desires and my passions. It seems to make sense that is what God would want so we knew if that One person that we met, had similar passions and desires.

Recently our Young Adult Community Group has been passing around a few articles on "Singleness". I particularly enjoyed reading this one from the Relevant magazine: Making the most of being single. It spoke to me on so many levels. A few particular points hit home for me -

"You’re not making the most of being single if all you can think about is finding a partner, and asking God why you don't have one yet."  Ouch.

"Making the most of being single means being on your own. It’s just you and God. Being single is about discovering who you are, setting personal boundaries, knowing your likes and dislikes, your passions and the desires of your heart."

"It’s not your fault you want someone so badly. It’s natural. It’s how our hearts are wired."

"But just like anything else, the enemy will take what is meant for good and use it to distract you from where God wants you to be."

"that’s right where the enemy wants you: so distracted with a desperate need for a relationship, you cannot live the life God has called you to while you’re single."


"Making the most of being single is taking the opportunity to become completely content in your relationship with Christ."

"Making the most of being single is being 100 percent OK with being single."
 
I intend on keeping this article on hand to refer back to when I start getting discouraged or losing hope in the area of relationships. I hope this article can encourage some of you single ladies & men, like it did me. I'm learning these things: God has a plan. His timing is different than ours. God doesn't make mistakes. YOU are right where you need to be to do the work God wants to do in & through you. Amen to that.

"I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord."

- 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

The journey continues...

So, I'll admit...I've had a little bit of a "writer's block" lately (if you can call it that, I'm not much of a writer).
I've listened to many great sermons & have been reading many great books & have a lot of random thoughts & great conversations, but have just not been able to put them into words for some reason?
So...well, I haven't.
It's been a very interesting journey, this move to Nashville.
So many things I could have never thought would happen, even if I tried.
I know this:  God is good, ALL the time. All the time, God is GOOD.

Here, we are October 4th. I've been living here for 10 months...10 months!
That is so hard for me to even believe.
Why?
Because SO much has happened in that short period of time.
And, I made it through probably one of the most challenging times in my life. (Yep, I'd rank it pretty high up there)
I find that often times when I look back at what I've been through, I'm so thankful for where I am.
It was certainly painful going through some of those moments, but who I am on the other side is all that matters.
And, I thank my God even for those hard moments, for they are helping to shape me into who I am today.

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.    ~1 Peter 4:12-13

Since December 2010, I....
Entered into a new relationship...left my family/friends/church & life in WI, that is all I ever knew....I moved to another state (never done before)...Started a new position in a new city, with new people, in a new industry...I traveled to Africa twice leading & co-leading mission trips to love & care for orphans and experience the pain, poverty & yet a beautiful God-filled country that changed my life...I fell into a mild depression after the relationship did not work out (I'm a fighter & I don't give up easy)...I experienced a wild rollercoaster of emotions for several months...I struggled to make genuine friendships...I moved 3 times since moving to Nashville...I finally discovered a new Church that I fell in love with....one of my cats became really sick & was diagnosed with kidney disease (she's doing well so far!)....I lost my position at the organization I basically relocated to Nashville for....I fell into another mild depression (or maybe never healed from the 1st one) while dealing with another set of wild emotions about how & why things didn't work out & what to do now....I then had to deal with car issues & I had to fork out money for that....I lived in my new apartment for only 6 months & my roommate decided she wanted to move closer to downtown, so I was on the scramble for a new roommate again.(success! I found a great one.)...I'm still on the search and seeking God's direction for a new position- constantly networking and researching different non-profits and organizations....In the meantime I have been nannying for several different families. The experiences I've had with those in itself are something to blog about. I've had the opportunity to travel to New York, Kentucky, & Aspen in December!...I began attending a Women's Ministry group called Cultivate Her that covers some deep topics...I've picked running back up & have been trying to do that  consistently, while maintaining a healthy, balanced diet (and plan to run the Country Music half-marathon in April 2012)...I was recently asked to help coordinate the Serving Opportunities with the local ministries & organizations for our Young Adult Community Groups (which has been incredibly awesome) and yet, has also pulled me out of my comfort zone..I'm involved in a small Community Group that has really showed me what genuine community is...I've developed a routine of getting up early to enter into a time of worship & devotion with God first thing in the morning (usually on my patio, with hot coffee in hand, and one of my cats by my side- bliss.) and followed by a run/walk. Right now...the weather here in Nashville is INCREDIBLE!! 

Through all of these experiences I've been reminded of the many great things God has given me & to be thankful for a family that loves & cares for me, genuine & real (old & new) friendships, a Church I feel proud to be a part of & one that encourages & motivates me to want to grow in my relationship with the Lord more & more everyday, enough money to put a roof over my head, clothes on my body, food to nourish me & most importantly, I'm reminded I have a big, big God who loves me...just the way I am. 


A special thank you to all of you in my life who have walked with me (and will continue to walk with me) on this journey and have loved me unconditionally through good times & bad- weaknesses and all. You know who you are! XOXO

Oh, and have I mentioned that God is Good, all the time!